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Virtual sex and love is part of life now.
NO. The internet did not ruin sex and dating. Sure, it can be misused. But the internet and the digital age can help your dating and sex life tremendously. A virtual relationship can be very intimate.
Fling, dating, adult cams, committed relationships- whatever it is, a virtual relationship is a very real relationship. It gives you the same benefits as “regular” relationships- you get companionship, understanding, they are just as meaningful but there’s a bonus- you have more chances meeting like minded people.
Internet connections can be a bit too much fun and exciting. Overwhelming… But fun. Right at the tip of your typing fingers, there are endless connections to choose from. You will surely meet someone that fulfills your needs and possibly lead to something more.
Despite the fact that there’s so many options and possibilities, many have still lost their touch when it comes to REAL human connection. Which is possible in the digital world. There are ways to connect deeply and have fulfilling cyber sex and relationships. If you’re lonely, doing online dating and cyber sex can wrong can make it worse. Here’s how to do it right.
If you’re not being your true self, this leads to a disconnection within yourself. When you’re not connected with yourself, you tend to lose clarity of your needs and wants. If you don’t know what those are, there’s no real way to truly connect with someone- whether it’s a fling or something serious.
That’s why being alone is less alone than being in a relationship/situationship you don’t belong in. At least when you’re alone, you are preserving your true self and needs. When in relationships you don’t belong in, you lose sight of that eventually because of the constant role you’re playing. You become foreign in your own body.
That is the very one thing you need to remain human in this digital world- AUTHENTICITY.
I could see putting up a front and an act in the “real” world- like in your jobs. Even though I understand why people pretend to be someone else online, I don’t see the point in it. That’s just me though. Pretending is a very temporary thrill- eventually everything falls apart. Authenticity is a lasting thrill.
How To Have Real Intimacy In Your Virtual Relationship
Virtual life is just part of our life now. It’s normal and it can be healthy. You can be just as intimate as an in person relationship. Here are some tips and ideas that will get you the thrill you deserve:
- Be authentic. When you are authentic, you get your real needs met. There’s no reason to pretend to be someone you’re not. With millions of connections to choose from all over the world, you will surely meet one that accepts and enjoys exactly who you are right now. Don’t be afraid to be you. You can even have possible growth from the connection.
- Express your feelings with a special message, an e-card, a thoughtful little gift etc. It doesn’t have to be expensive, it can sometimes be something free. A cute little note to let your connection know you’re thinking about them. It could brighten up their day and giving joy brings you joy.
- Do things together. It is possible to bond over activities even when physically far apart. Play some games, watch some movies, read books together, workout, maybe teach each other something- get creative, make it special and fun. Get a long distance sex toy. Ask some sexual game questions.
- Digital date nights. Get your candles out, dress up (or down), groom yourself, even put on your favorite scent, get some wine out, a nice meal and have a romantic night with your connection. Play some nice music, do a little dance or get one. Just because it’s digital, doesn’t mean you should skip the deodorant. The whole purpose here is to be human and present as much as possible.
- Every relationship is a two way street. Be curious about your connection, be a shoulder to lean on, let them express themselves, celebrate their victories. Don’t forget they have needs too and it’s an honor for them to trust you enough to open up and vice versa.
- Pet names are so fun. It’s personalized and it’s an understanding that’s between you and your connection only. It’s almost like your personal language.
- Use your voice. Typing is such a cop out. When it’s time to have important conversations, let’s say a disagreement, make it your business to use your voice over the phone or video chat. Some people type when they’re uncomfortable saying what needs to be said but there’s no free passes here when it comes to your online relationship. There’s already physical distance so proper communication is key. If you’re shy, you need to be courageous enough to use your voice. Even if you’re awkward at first, you will get better.
Cyber Sex In Your Online Relationship
Now that we have learned how to be human as much as possible in our virtual relationship, let’s get dirty. Long distance sex is freakin’ hot and just as wild. When you are ready, here are some amazing cyber sex tips you can follow:
- Ease into it. Anticipation makes things so much hotter. Foreplay is just as important in long distance sex. Remember that arousal is mostly mental. Flirt, give compliments, slowly remove clothes and ease into dirty talk. More importantly, see where their mind is and go from there.
- Long distance sex toys. Didn’t I tell ya that love and sex in the digital world is just part of life? That’s why long distance sex toys are a thing… You can control your lover’s sex toys with an app on your phone. We-Vibe’s long distance sex toys are a favorite on this blog. They offer high quality devices that give mind blowing orgasms. Whether you go to We-Vibe or not, invest in a long distance sex toy. It’s so much fun.
- Many video chat devices allow you to share your screen with the person you’re video chatting with. Take advantage of this by watching porn together. Express your favorite parts of the porn and listen to what your partner likes. Sometimes people are too shy to explain exactly what they like and it’s easier to just show you. OR maybe there’s something neither of you knew you even liked in the first place that you see on the screen. Check out this list of Beautiful Porn…. Or watch from wherever you like.
- For cyber sex nights, I encourage you to dress and smell nice. Create a scene that makes it as real as possible. Get some lights, create a sex dungeon area with LED lights or candles and feel sexy as much as possible.
- Here’s your chance to express your deep fantasies and desires. Sharing your dirty thoughts is so much better when you’re communicating with someone you have a level of intimacy with. It creates a deeper bond and allows you to explore each other’s dirty mind. Don’t forget to encourage your partner to share theirs.
- I’m a huge fan of aftercare. After care is very important in the BDSM world and should be important for every sexual activity. After care is basically showing care after sex. Pillow talk, check in on each other, maybe watching a show or some activity. After care is important because sexual activity makes people feel very vulnerable. After care gives validation.
Virtual Sex Safety Tips
Although the opportunities and fun can seem endless, online sex and dating doesn’t come without risks. While you’re searching for your online match, you will run into some bad apples. It’s easy to scam people using the power of love and sex via the internet… and you might run into someone who can’t take rejection well and might cyber assault you. I know this one too well myself.
Here are ways online dating can go wrong:
- Catfishing is where a person pretends to be someone they’re not. They will use pictures and photos that don’t belong to them. They move fast, seem too good to be true, they refuse to video chat or prove that they are who they say they are.
- If you’re on adult pay sites, be aware of people PRETENDING to be a model. They ask for tips and/or sell things like panties. Make sure you are sending money and/or purchasing from the model in the pictures.
- Don’t send personal information under any circumstances. Do not send nudes or do anything on video until there is TRUST. Some scammers may use the nudes to exploit you for money. They may threaten to send the nuds out until you send them money.
- Beware of fake online dating sites. Do a research on the website before signing up. Fake dating sites may ask personal questions regarding things like finances. They would do things like offer you free premium membership.
- Code verification scam. You may receive a text pretending to be from a legit online dating site asking you to click on the link and give personal information.
- Tip: DO NOT click on any links you don’t know.
- Use a completely different email. Emails are easy to create. Make one specifically for your online sex and dating activities. This way, one cannot pull up personal information using your personal email.
- Don’t use the same photos you use on personal social media. Use different ones, this way they won’t be able to easily find your personal information.
- Use a fake phone number. There are plenty of apps you can use that gives you a second phone number. If all goes wrong and you feel unsafe, you can just delete the app or phone number.
- Slowwwww down. Because of the instant gratification nature of the internet, it can be so easy to get lost in the compliments and fantasies. You don’t know this person. Some scammers are in for the long game.
- Beware of recorders. Not to scare you but if you’re going to have virtual sex and show your goods online, make sure your face is cropped off.
When/If It’s Time To Meet
If you’re willing and ready to meet your online lover in person, no matter how long you guys have been talking online, there are still risks. Some people are in it for the long game when it comes to scamming.
- Tell at least one person if you can. Some people prefer not to have others in their personal business but sometimes you have to suck it up and tell at least one person so they can be able to check up on you.
- Meet publicly for the first physical meeting. Don’t go anywhere private until you meet them publicly, DO NOT let a stranger know where you live or hotel…. and DO NOT go to their home. It’s dangerous for both men AND women. We encourage digital date nights before the first physical meeting.
- Investigate their photos. Do a reverse search on their photos. A few red flags- they have less than 2 photos and the photos look outdated. Make sure they are the person they say they are and see what information pops up.
- Don’t get drunk or high. It’s tempting when you’re seeking a wild night but trying to mate with a complete stranger while not having a clear mind can make you VULNERABLE AS HECK. Putting your guard down before knowing someone is SUPER DANGEROUS.
