Ever told someone to go fuck themselves?
That was actually very kind of you because being intimate with yourself is a very overlooked form of self care. Now it’s your turn. Here’s how to fuck yourself, practice self care and become a great lover to others.
If you want to learn how to send yourself into a state of ecstasy, keep reading.
Table of Contents
Why Self Connection & Solo Sex Is Key To A Great Sex Life
Your mind and body is a tool that helps you navigate through life. Knowing how a tool works helps you use that tool efficiently. Self connection and self awareness is crucial and determines our experiences in the world. And that includes our sex life.
Knowing who you are and learning your own sexual energy will bring tremendous confidence in the bedroom. When you know how to manage your sexual self, you know how to align and create sexual chemistry with other people, making the sexual experience a mind blowing event for both (or all) partners. This alone will do wonders for your self confidence, affecting all areas of your life.
Learning your own anatomy and what brings pleasure to your body creates a deep connection and appreciation towards the tool that helps you navigate through life- your body. Everyone’s pleasure zone is different and no two bodies are identical- not even twins. It’s important to have a relationship with your own body to know what your body needs and wants.
Solo sex (or solo masturbation) is an incredibly fun way to explore who you are sexually. I’m talking about a full blown love affair and intimate nights with yourself. This is the chance to feel so comfortable and sexy in your own skin. To experience your mind blown with so much self love and validation.
Solo masturbation is a stress free way of finding out what gets yourself off. You don’t have the pressure or anxieties of performing for others. This gives you freedom, power and control.
Rid yourself of sexual shame– which is a social conditioning. Don’t listen to outdated societal norms. It’s full of misunderstandings, misinformation and misconceptions. A solo sex life is a very healthy and very human way to explore life. Here’s how to have sex with yourself.
The Benefits of a Solo Sex Life
There’s levels to this the way there’s levels of sex with other people. There are one night stands that are purely surface level then there’s making love with a person you have a deep emotional connection with. There’s a huge difference. We talked about the benefits of using sex toys and masturbation but it’s different from a solo sex life where you explore deeper than just using toys.
Besides learning what kind of pressure, how fast, how tight, how slow, how hard, etc, the benefits of having a solo sex life is like having a spiritual awakening just like practicing sexual tantra.
- You get to explore your fantasies… even if they’re taboo. There’s nothing like self expression without judgment. Not only are you expressing yourself via masturbation, you’re the artist of your own fantasy. You can shamelessly create and explore your dirty thoughts without having to explain. Just be.
- You become your own safe space. It’s lovely to have support from others but being your own safe space can bring out sides of you that you didn’t even know were there. Feeling safe in your own being allows whatever is in your subconscious to feel safe to come out. You may be delighted to find out your deep rooted desires and it may explain some conscious behavior you have now.
- You know your boundaries. Knowing your boundaries and what you don’t like makes it easier to stand up for yourself. Sometimes people can get lost in the moment of sex and the lines of likes and dislikes can get blurred leaving the people involved with shame and guilt.
- Can cure sexual dysfunction. You may think something is wrong with you but could find out all you need is a little tweak. When exploring alone, you don’t have the stress of feeling ashamed of what’s not working when in front of others. Not everyone likes the same thing so when you discover your unique likes, things start working again.
- Emotional intimacy with self. You know how sometimes the more you get to know someone, the more attractive they are? That applies here too. The more emotionally connected you are with yourself, the more you find yourself attractive. It increases self worth, better body image and self esteem.
- You learn what makes you say “WOW!” And don’t we all want that when having sex with others? This leads to way more intense orgasms solo or not.
All of these benefits affect the other areas of your life. Having a sexual relationship with yourself dramatically increases your mental and physical health. Your general well being will have a little bliss to it, reduces A LOT of stress and helps you sleep better at night.
First Mind Fuck Yourself
Just like sex with others a nice mind fuck makes the physical even more explosive. Mind fuck yourself by creating a sexual ambiance for yourself. Before you get your hands busy, here are a few ways to make the event more exciting.
- Physical activity. You don’t have to look like a model or Magic Mike but exercising is a way to have a relationship with your body. All you have to do is get moving. Not only is it great for your health, it does great things to your libido. Exercising releases feel good hormones like endorphins which increases arousal.
- Heighten your senses with food. As mentioned in our libido guide, what you put in your mouth can increase your sexual energy. Foods such as dark chocolate have flavonoids that stimulate hormones such as oxytocin- which is the hormone of connection and love.
- Read erotica. Reading does wonders to the imagination. So imagine what reading erotica does to the mind. Reading allows you to have your own version of characters that appeals to you desires.
- Wear something sexy. Wear an outfit that makes you feel fucking fantastic. Have a solo date night in with that sexy red dress and heels, wear those silk boxers… because solo sex nights are like real date nights.
- Make yourself smell and feel good. Make your skin soft with some butters and wear your favorite scent. A good lover prepares for sex this way and you’re being a lover to yourself right now.
- Turn on the sexy music and dance for yourself. Moving your body via dancing is deepening the relationship you have with your physical self. Play with your senses with some sexy music.
- Build anticipation. Do not rush. Let the sexual energy build. The more you build it, the more powerful it is to move you sexually. This is an important event you’re having with yourself.
- Do some aromatherapy. Something about a rose combined with cinnamon scent drives me mad. Scent is one of the most underrated ways to sexually entice yourself and/or a lover. Light up some relaxing or arousing scented candles such as lavender.
These are a few ways to get your mind right. I’m getting excited already.
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How To Fuck Yourself
Here’s the best part. How to have sex with yourself.
- Slowly explore your body with your hands. Rub your own neck, squeeze your nipples, touch your inner thighs… do not rush this and explore/discover your erogenous zones. It is possible that you have sexual trigger zones you did not know you had.
- Focus on relaxing. Do a body scan and take deep breaths. Focusing on relaxation helps you be mindful and stay present.
- Do not pressure yourself. Don’t have a goal, do not expect anything, just relax and discover. Having expectations leads to disappointment and actually blocks you from pleasure. The point is to have fun and be nice to yourself.
- Use toys and tools. Sometimes you need more than your hands and that’s ok. There’s way more to just dildos and penis pumps. There’s clit suckers, grinders, rings, anal toys and more. My personal favorite are grinders.
- Get in different positions. Lying on your back is not the only way. My personal favorite is syntribation. Which is basically laying on my side and squeezing my thighs together putting pressure on my clit.
- Don’t forget anal. Sometimes your anus needs a little love and attention too. There are so many nerves there that can take you to the moon and back.
- Be vocal. It may sound silly to tell someone not to be shy when they’re loving themselves alone. But some people feel silly. Be authentic. Let those sounds out.
- Get a mirror. I love mirrors. Mirrors allow you to analyze yourself when you are receiving pleasure.
- Sensory play. When you block one of your senses, others heighten. Blindfold yourself.
- Play with temperature. Playing with ice cubes or warm candle wax made for skin can give you an incredible rush and fuel your arousal.
- Use lube. Lube makes any sexual activity way better. Let your toys slip and slide all over your body.
- Record yourself. Make a super hot private video for your eyes only that you can revisit and analyze in the future. Fall in lust with yourself- fall in lust with your movements, your moans and your facial expressions.
- Try different techniques. Check out these super incredible masturbation techniques for women and different ways for men to jerk off.
There is no cookie cutter way to learn how to have sex by yourself but these are some general tips to use to lead you in the right direction to self seduction and sexual self intimacy.
