You’re in the right place to find out what your taboo sex fantasies say about you.
Do you have dark sex fantasies that are deemed socially unacceptable, problematic and just flat out disturbing? People who have these taboo sexual fantasies more than likely keep these things to themselves which makes one to believe that they are alone in this. Taboo sex fantasies are actually more common than you think. But should you worry about them? Thankfully, experts say no.
The mind is such a huge part of sex- more than the act itself. You need your mind to have an enjoyable experience and it’s ok to have certain things in your mind only. The mind is a tool.
Acting out your taboo fantasy (NOT role playing) is a completely different story.
What The Experts Say About Taboo Fantasies
Experts actually do not know enough about sex fantasies and their connection to behavior. For years, psychologist went the Freudian route- which is connecting sex fantasies to aspects of ones personality. For example- if a person is tired of their powerful position in their day to day life, they might fantasize about being a sub. Or someone who has underlying shame and guilt has a humiliation kink. But some fantasies just don’t align with ones reality at all.
Let’s look at the rape fantasy. This is one of the VERY popular taboo sex fantasies among women. Nancy Friday explains why in her book “My Secret Garden.” She explains because of the stigma against women who enjoy sex, rape fantasies allow a woman to get what she wants while being completely blameless. It’s a win win fantasy. These women do not desire to be raped in real life. Actually, check out Nancy Friday’s book. It will give you comfort in knowing there’s people out there with way “worse” sexual fantasies.
My Own Theory About Taboo Sex Fantasies
Disturbing sexual fantasies doesn’t make one abnormal. In fact, if many acted out their fantasies, there would be a much higher level of crimes but these behaviors are relatively low in frequency. Acting out taboo stuff for real makes the fantasy way less appealing.
I think it’s because the risks and consequences overrides the excitement of taboo sexual fantasy. Hurting people is a consequence. Just because consequences are enough to make one not commit an act, doesn’t mean the attraction or the desire isn’t there at least a little bit.
For example, you can want to punch someone specific in the face. But you won’t because you’d have to deal with consequences such as the guilt of hurting another person, causing injury such as a broken nose, possible getting into legal trouble and so on. But the desire to punch a specific someone in the face is still there.
You can only go as far as fantasizing punching someone in the face and that can be enough to satisfy that urge. It’s much more fulfilling because it’s consequence free. Just like sexual fantasies.
There’s another reality check. When people try to act out their fantasies, they are disappointed in the reality side of it. For example, let’s say someone has a kidnapping and bondage fantasy. Without proper hygiene and grooming, it isn’t sexy at all. In order to keep it sexy, you’d have to release your “victim” so they can take proper care of themselves. In reality, you have to consider people’s needs and feelings.
So it’s OK to have a fantasy where you break into a strangers house, force them to have sex with you and knock them up. If that’s what gets you rock hard or wet, that’s perfectly fine. Because it’s consequence free. There is NOTHING sexy about acting this out in real life. You’d have to deal with guilt from inflicting trauma, criminal charges and a baby produced from rape. The real life version is repulsive and hurts others.
There’s also the allure of tabooness that attracts us to these things.
“Sometimes a mind fuck is better than any other fuck.”
So know you are OK– just because you have a stepdad fantasy doesn’t mean you condone sexual exploitation of younger people or fantasizing about violent sexual encounters means you really want that experience in real life. None of this means you have a desire to act on it. When you don’t have a desire to, there is no problem. Consequences kills the desire.
If you want to stop having taboos fantasies, do not try to fight them. The harder you try to forget them, the more aggressive your fantasies become. Instead, just observe them without judging yourself or attaching yourself to them in any way. Judging yourself makes you attached. Just observing your thoughts without emotional attachment usually makes such thoughts go away.
Now if you don’t give a flying fuck about consequences and other peoples well being, there’s a problem.
Find out more about taboo sex fantasies by clicking “Who’s Been Sleeping In Your Head?” below. (Cheaper than your favorite online retailer)
LET GO of the shame.
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