BDSM & Abuse // What Is The Difference?

BDSM and abuse. Where do you draw the line?

Most people assume BDSM relationships are about abuse and power. It’s actually the complete opposite. BDSM relationships require a lot of trust and communication which makes the relationship way more intimate than most. There is such thing as a very healthy BDSM relationship despite its undeserving reputation. 

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BDSM relationships are consensual. There wouldn’t be a consenting Dom without a consenting sub. Abusive people do not seek consent and they disrespect boundaries. There is a huge difference.

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Any man is capable of grabbing a woman by her hair and throwing her on a bed and then ripping her clothes off. He can also tie her up and even call her sl*t or b*tch and have rough sex together. When she is into it, it becomes more fun; however, that is not considered a true dominance. True dominance is when you whisper into her ears and then observe as she takes her clothes off obediently. Methodically… piece by piece. Watch as she kneels before You and offers her entire self to you willingly without any reservation or hesitation. She will also show you her vulnerable self without shame or embarrassment. You will come to understand that nothing makes her happier than seeing You happy.

What does BDSM stand for?

B- Bondage

D- Discipline, Dom

S- Submission, Sadism

M- Masochism

In BDSM, usually one person is dominant and the other is submissive. There’s no one way to practice BDSM. You can even involve more than two people. The bottom line is, BDSM is power play.

People practice BDSM as a form of release and a boost in mood. Some experts say that people who practice BDSM may have a higher level of well being than people who practice vanilla sex (which is regular intercourse without the extras).

BDSM is way more than sex and leather devices. BDSM is mostly a seductive mental game. It can be someone’s entire lifestyle. Some couples have playtime and some live this life 24/7 in their relationship. They have a set of rules they live by. Maybe even a contract. Some couples take it very seriously and society needs to give them the respect we give vanilla relationships. You should not judge what consenting adult agree to do in their own relationships.

Another misconception people have about these relationships is that they are dangerous. It can be but it’s mostly not. People within the relationships have a thing called “safe words” so when someone is in too much pain or a boundary is being crossed, a safe word is used. The equipment used is used with care. A safe word is necessary

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There’s also a thing most forget. AFTERCARE. Aftercare is important in a BDSM relationship. It makes it a loving relationship. Some acts may be physically and emotionally taxing and its important to take care of your loved ones needs. Some peoples after care needs may be treating a bruise. Some might be as simple as getting ice cream after. It’s up to you and your partner.

Now here’s the fun part! The TYPES of roles in a BDSM relationship

  1. The Dom or Domme. This is the person who gives all of the orders no matter what you’re doing during playtime.
  2. Master or Mistress. This person has complete ownership of their subs body.
  3. Daddy or Mommy. My personal favorite.. A daddy or mommy gives punishments or pleasure- whatever the inner child needs.
  4. Sub. A sub is the person to take orders no matter what the playtime consists of.
  5. Slave. A slave gives their master/mistress complete control over their body.
  6. Servant. A servant fulfills the needs in the household.
  7. Pet. Pets like to play the role of a puppy or a kitten. Or any domestic animal.
  8. Good girl/boy. Or a Little. Good boys/girls belong to their Mommy/Daddy
  9. Princess. A princess is a good girl by day and listens to Daddy and a slut by night.
  10. Brat. Another personal favorite. Brats like to misbehave just so they can get punishments.
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Don’t forget TRUST and COMMUNICATION is KEY in these relationships. So no….BDSM relationships are NOT abusive. They are BEAUTIFUL, sensual and caring relationships. BDSM is very attentive to needs and boundaries. Abusive relationships don’t give a crap about needs and boundaries. Abuse is when you exploit and cross those needs.

Signs a BDSM relationship is no longer BDSM is when one is being isolated from friends and family, dismissive of your needs, its causing depression/anxiety (in fact, it is suppose help depression and anxiety as it can be healing) and the safe word is being ignored.

Safe words are IMPORTANT. Ignoring safe words leads to ASSAULT. It is very important to discuss boundaries.

BDSM relationships not only deepens connections with your partners, it helps with the connection with yourself. BDSM teaches you how to love and accept all areas of yourself/others and turn it into pleasure. It’s a form of true expression.

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If you’re looking to explore these worlds, check out the links/banners to find like minded people. Maybe you will find someone to indulge in your taboo sex fantasies.

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