Sexually Liberated Doesn’t Mean Promiscuous – Do It Right

Imagine being finally sexually liberated, having the freedom to express yourself sexually… however you want….

… And then you find yourself indulging in tons of sexual activities just to live up to the label “sexually liberated person”…. You’re so consumed with proving you’re a wild card… or maybe you find people expecting sex from you just because you’re “sexually liberated?”

I don’t know about you but that sounds like a full blown trap to me. Trying to prove something or seek outside validation is far from being sexually free. There’s no freedom in that at all.

Sexually liberated doesn’t mean sexually active. It’s time to stop letting others define our sexuality because there’s nothing liberating about that.

What Sexual Liberation Is Not

You get to take the liberty of walking around the mall… (Assuming you are able bodied)… That doesn’t mean you stop in every single store. You can if you want to but you could be there looking for a specific item. Maybe you want to stop in a handful of stores for different kinds of items. Having the freedom to walk around the mall doesn’t mean you have the budget to buy everything in the mall either. Maybe you’re just window shopping.

The same goes for taking the liberty of choosing how to express yourself sexually.

People mistakenly assume someone who is sexually free (or liberated) is someone who is going to participate in tons of sexual activity. That is not always the case. A sexually free person CHOOSES if they want to have sex or not. CHOOSES how they will have sex, when they will have sex and with who. A sexually liberated person has full control of every aspect of their own sex lives.

Another thing sexual liberation is not is outside validation. If you’re using your sexuality in a destructive manner, that is not freedom either. You’re basically using sex as a weapon against yourself. For example, if you’re using casual sex to get validation or something out of others, that is not the meaning of sexually liberated. You’re making others in charge of your sexuality when you use it to get validation from them. 

Sexual freedom (or liberation) is not skinny dipping for attention, is not having sex to keep someone, is not doing sexual things for approval, it’s not trying to be Samantha Jones from Sex And The City…. it’s not exploiting yourself at all for others.

The irony of how people see sexually free people is that people feel entitled to their sexuality. They think the liberated person should play a slave to their sexual needs. A free person doesn’t owe you anything, it doesn’t mean they are there to cater to every sexual need of other people.

The Actual Sexually Liberated Meaning & How To Practice It

Everyone is a sexual being. The sexually liberated meaning is when you have the confidence and ability to express your sexuality in your own unique way without seeking approval from others. It’s when you have high self esteem and are secure within yourself.

Our sexuality is something so raw and it’s the most authentic energy we have. It is part of being human and it makes us whole. The suppression, policing or absence of our sexuality can leave us unbalanced which is why sexual liberation is essential to life.

For too long, society has shamed, discriminated, ridiculed and policed our sexuality so sometimes it’s hard to explore and identify our own unique sexuality because we are so used to not being in control of it.

Here are some ways to identify and own your own sexuality and actually be sexually liberated.

1. Assert boundaries. You cannot have sexual liberation without boundaries. Having boundaries makes you in control of your sexuality. Boundaries are ways to practice self respect.
   
   
2. Keep in mind that there is no right and/or wrong. As long as you are not damaging others by sexually abusing them, there is no right or wrong way to express your sexuality. It’s only YOUR way.
   
   
3. Confront shame. We discussed in a previous post how detrimental to your health and well being shame is. Shame is socially conditioned, not natural and is a soul destroying emotion. Challenge any negative views on sex that were embedded in you.
   
   
4. Take your time to learn your true self. Don’t rush to give yourself a label because you may subconsciously do things that you think you’re supposed to do rather than what you want to do. Get to know yourself. Sexuality is diverse and can look like millions of different ways. Know that your needs and wants can change over time and you have every right to change it up when you feel like it.
   
   
5. Know that a lot of people are uncomfortable when people are different from them and that is ok. Those are not your demons to face. It also can be intimidating for some people to see people own their power simply because they do not own theirs.
   
   
6. Be self compassionate. Be patient and kind to yourself.
   
   
7. Practice self connection with physical activity, meditation, mindfulness activities, silence and masturbation. When you deeply connect with yourself, you may find underlying needs and wants that you’ve been consciously unaware of.
   
   
8. Heal any traumas especially sexual trauma. Read books about mental health, learn on youtube and/or go seek a professional. This prevents you from acting out sexually from a hurt place.
   
   
9. Get sexually educated. Learn about safety, learn your body, sexual health, sexual terms and types of sexualities. 
   
   
10. Connected with Beducated. Beducated is an amazing company that knows being a good lover means being a good lover to yourself first.

Keep in mind that sexual liberation could also look like sexual abstinence, it can look like masturbation, it can look like cyber sex, it can look like costumes, erotic writing- there are so many ways to express yourself. Get to know yourself to find out what YOU like sexually so you can express it freely.