Hook up culture is a problem…. when you’re doing it wrong.
Hookup culture or casual sex was always a thing. It may seem pretty new and rampant these days because we are loud about it and the naysayers don’t like it. They do have a point though. Casual sex can be confusing, risky and hurtful. It can mess with people’s self esteem and self worth. But that’s because people are doing it very wrong.
Hooking up, FWB and casual sex are all pretty much the same. It’s when there’s a sexual arrangement, sometimes it’s non monogamous and it’s non committal. There are actually benefits to hook up culture. Some are:
- Sexual experimentation
- Can be a way of learning yourself and what you like
- Teaches you what works for you in relationships
- Stress relieving
- No mind games
- Reduces shame of leaving a situation you don’t want to be in
- Increases well being because it just feels damn good
It sounds fun and convenient but there’s a problem. Relationships like this can create a false sense of security causing people to let their guard down. For example, not practicing safe sex.
There are a few more ways people fuck up in these arrangments. People can get so comfortable with their FWB that they forget about the emotional and physical boundaries that are required. We are not suggesting to be cold and heartless towards your sex partners. We are suggesting that you stop being heartless towards yourself.
Even though we are pro sluts here, some people use casual sex or hookups in a destructive way. Just like anything else in the world, it is very crucial to have a good relationship with yourself before jumping into these situations. Sex can make people extremely vulnerable. Having sex you regret can be way worse than being lonely and horny. So here are a few questions to ask yourself before engaging in these activities BELOW…
Questions to ask yourself first:
- Are you doing this in the hopes of finding a relationship? If you use casual sex as a tool to find a partner, you are doing it extremely wrong. Casual sex does not make the other person want to commit to you. You are basically having sex because you think that’s what others want you to do. You’re not doing it for you.
- Are you doing it for someone specific? Like we said in point #1, don’t do it because you want commitment from someone else. When you’re crushing on someone you want more than casual sex with but they aren’t on the same page, WALK AWAY. Don’t do it hoping they will eventually change their mind.
- Are you having casual sex because you’re lonely? Casual sex cannot cure loneliness. In fact, it only makes the feeling of loneliness way worse in the long run. Loneliness can be an illusion. It is possible that you suffer from low self esteem and desperately need to seek validation from other via sex. If you’re someone who needs validation from others, you tend to do things that your authentic self does not align with, making it harder to get rid of the illusion of loneliness. Validation from others is a very temporary fix. Self validation is a cure.
If you said yes to any of these things, it’s time to delete your dating apps. Step back from the hookup culture for a while and find yourself. Maybe you should just stick to porn for now.
If you want something traditional, there is nothing wrong with that either. The only reason why it may seem like participating in hookup culture is the only option you have is because again, we are loud about it. You do have options and each option has both risks and rewards.
Traditional or not, always make sure of your sexual health is in a good condition and get tested.
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