These are some very weird sex toys from back in the day!
What kind of items do you think prehistoric humans used to masturbate? You’d be shocked by these vintage sex toys.
Sex toys existed even without the technology we have today. Our ancestors had to get, um… creative. Some of these craziest sex toys are pretty gross and/or just flat out weird. This goes to show how powerful sex and our urges are.
If you’re willing to go this far today, you might need some help.
Masturbation just might be one of our longest hobbies ever as human beings. Our urges overcame us so bad that we had to come up with other ways to satisfy ourselves besides doing each other. With the lack of birth control back then, these weird sex toys were probably more necessary back then.
Table of Contents
Let’s get into some questionable things that were used for sex toys before advance technology. These vintage sex toys might gross you out…. or make you want to try.
Goats Eyelid
1. Goats Eyelid. YES the eyelid of a goat. How can they possibly use this as sexual pleasure? Apparently, they made the eyelid in a circle so it can fit around a penis and used it as a cock ring. This occurred around the Jing and Song dynasties in China. Can you imagine fucking a goat eye?? Geeze
King Edward the VII Chair
2. King Edward the VII. I’m not sure if this one is exactly weird/gross…. But it is incredibly lazy! King Edward the VII was obese and having sex was not the easiest He had a chair designed specifically for sexual act. It’s known as the Siege d’Amour. The King Edward sex chair held up his weight and allowed him to move as little as possible while his partners did all of the work. This Siege D’amour was also designed for him to have multiple partners.
Bread Dildos
3. Bread Dildos. Ancient Greeks used bread as dildos in two ways. When women were on a sex strike, they used bread to satisfy themselves during the protest. The second way they were used was when men went away for the army. They gave their wives bread dildos to use when they were away.
This vintage dildo is one of the craziest sex toys to me! How did they manage to keep it erect after getting wet?……What’s great about the ancient Greeks is that they understood a woman’s pleasure matters too. Can’t say the same for many civilizations.
Bird Sperm Balls
4. Bird sperm balls.The Ming Dynasty believed a mythical bird had a huge sexual appetite. So they invented tiny balls made of metal and bird sperm to enter in the urethra of a penis so men can enjoy sex more.
Gourd Full of Bees
5. Gourd full of Bees. Our well known Queen Cleopatra was famous for her heavy influence in Roman politics. She is also well known for her affairs with Julius Caesar and Marc Anthony. But that’s not all! Cleopatra filled hollowed gourd with BEES and used them as vibrators. Guess her two male lovers weren’t enough.
Antler Bone
6. Antler Bone. Now this is one ancient sex toy I’d try. During an evacuation in Sweden back in 2010, antler bones were found carved and shaped like penises. Researchers believe it dates back all the way up to 6000 BC!!!
Horse Hair
7. Horse Hair. As far as 500 BC, Araucanian people in South America tied horse hair to their penises. They used it to stimulate women’s clit during sex but tying it to a band and wrapping it around their cocks. I thought that’s what pubes were for but whatever.
The history of sex toys can be dated back as far as 30,000! Back in the cave man days, most of them were made up of animal bone and teeth. It is amazing how even back then, our sexual urges drove us human beings to satisfy our sexual urges by inventing such devices.
Be honest, what weird object would YOU use as a sex toy? Your secret isn’t safe with us.
There’s nothing like learning the history of our toys????
Whoa!