Shower Sex is THE WORSE- Here Are 6 Reasons Why

Nothing is great about shower sex outside of movie scenes.

Imagine you’re about to get it on.

Just got home or maybe to someone else’s place and you’re kissing each other passionately…. Maybe the sex was unplanned and you think to yourself: “Let’s have shower sex…”

Or maybe you’ve been having a sex marathon all night and the next morning you decide to go in the shower before you start your day…. And your partner just lays there in bed with those “May I join?” eyes.

Well I’m telling you now, both ideas are terrible.

Just like how movies make NYC streets look clean, movies also make sex in the shower look hot, steamy and passionate. There is nothing passionate or sexy about trying not to slip and hit your head on a hard surface.

Most couples can’t even simply shower together (as in no sex) because both want to be under the stream. They may not even agree with water temperatures. I never met anyone who likes the same shower temperature as me. Probably why I’m single now.

There are plenty of reasons why sex in shower is horrible and dangerous but here are some of the important reasons why we think shower sex is simply the worse:

Moxie by We-Vibe
  1. Slippery as heck! We love things slippery during sex. But not in this way. With the water running, slippery soap everywhere and possible body fluids, it is very dangerous. While some may have a kink for almost dying, you will more than likely slip trying to get in uncomfortable standing positions on these slippery surfaces.
  1. Speaking of uncomfortable positions– WHAT positions? What possible positions can you enjoy in the shower? Doggy? Where one is in the freezing cold and the other one being waterboarded? Standing? Missionary? There are no comfortable positions during shower sex. NONE!
  1. SOMEONE is getting waterboarded. We are not kink shaming but waterboarding is SOMEONE’S kink… but not everyones. Imagine getting water up your nose and eyes- You can’t breathe, you can’t see- totally uncomfortable. Soap can get in your eyes, in your fuck holes- not cool.
  1. Height differences. It will be SO DIFFICULT trying align your genitals with theirs. I am a very short woman and shower sex NEVER WORKED mostly because of this. Mostly everyone is taller than me and there’s nothing to lean on or prop me up!
  1. Water doesn’t make EVERYTHING wet. Water seems to make shower sex DRY! I know it sounds crazy but hear me out….. Water rinses off the good lubes like body fluids. It could even break condoms. It causes internal tears in the holes!
  1. Soap isn’t that sexy. It might get into places that you don’t want it to be and where it doesn’t belong. Like inside the vagina and your eyes.

Don’t you love your showers? A place to be alone and have some zen time. Fearing for your safety is the complete opposite of zen.

I’m trying to save your life and save you from major injuries. The shower sex dangers aren’t worth it.

Besides, you don’t even get to shower if you tried, you’re wasting water, you’re very restricted and more problems. I personally would not be in the moment. My mind would consumed with safety. There’s nothing sexy at all about that. I wouldn’t be able to focus on myself or my partner. Would you??

Besides King Edwards the VII’s sex chair, we think the shower is a weird place to have sex. If you are a fan of shower sex, PLEASE comment below the reason(s) why.

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