Nothing is great about shower sex outside of movie scenes.
Imagine you’re about to get it on.
Just got home or maybe to someone else’s place and you’re kissing each other passionately…. Maybe the sex was unplanned and you think to yourself: “Let’s have sex in shower …”
Or maybe you’ve been having a sex marathon all night and the next morning you decide to go in the shower before you start your day…. And your partner just lays there in bed with those “May I join?” eyes.
Well I’m telling you now, both ideas are terrible. Having sex in the shower just SUCKS.
Just like how movies make NYC streets look clean, movies also make sex in shower look hot, steamy and passionate. There is nothing passionate or sexy about trying not to slip and hit your head on a hard surface.
Most couples can’t even simply shower together (as in no sex) because both want to be under the stream. They may not even agree with water temperatures. I never met anyone who likes the same shower temperature as me. Probably why I’m single now.
There are plenty of reasons why sex in shower is horrible and dangerous but here are some of the important reasons why we think shower sex is simply the worse. Click on each reason to see why:
Table of Contents
Slippery AF
Slippery as heck! We love things slippery during sex. But not in this way. With the water running, slippery soap everywhere and possible body fluids, it is very dangerous. While some may have a kink for almost dying, you will more than likely slip trying to get in uncomfortable standing positions on these slippery surfaces
No Positions
Speaking of uncomfortable positions- WHAT positions? What possible positions can you enjoy in the shower? Doggy? Where one is in the freezing cold and the other one being waterboarded? Standing? Missionary? There are no comfortable positions during shower sex.
Can’t Move
Even if you do magically find a great position, it’s probably the only position you’re going to do. Switching it up is awkward, slippery and kills my lady boner.
Waterboarded
SOMEONE is getting waterboarded. Waterboarded is SOMEONE’S kink… but not everyones. Can’t breathe, can’t see- uncomfortable.
Height Problems
Height differences. It will be SO DIFFICULT trying align your genitals with theirs. Lifting someone up in the shower is super dangerous.
Dries Up The Goods
Water seems to make things DRY! Water rinses off the good lubes like body fluids. It could even break condoms. So no, not even condom sex in the shower is fun.
Burning Soap
Soap isn’t that sexy. It might get into places that you don’t want it to be. Like inside the vagina and your eyes. It will BURN.
Lack Of Foreplay
Foreplay? Not a chance. You have to get naked immediately and hop in the shower. There’s nothing slow and sensual about it. The undressing, the eye fucking and the anticipation is an important part of sex. At least good sex.
Water Temperature
Good luck agreeing on the temperature of the water. I don’t know about you but I cannot shower unless the water temperature is perfect. The thing about the perfect temperature is that everyone’s definition of temperature is different. Sounds like a recipe for an argument in the shower.
Lack Of Support
Support. Wait, what support? What do you hold onto while getting pounded? Everything is so slippery. If you have a glass door shower, you will burst it open if you lean on it. A shower curtain certainly isn’t reliable to lean on either!
No Oral Sex
Forget oral sex. You will get waterboarded. Even if that’s not the case, your knees will be on a hard surface. Oral sex is extremely uncomfortable in the shower.
Look, I’ll be honest. I was going to write a section about having SAFE shower sex by providing tips and tricks… but it just doesn’t feel genuine because I am totally against it.
Don’t you love your showers? A place to be alone and have some zen time. Fearing for your safety is the complete opposite of zen.
I’m trying to save your life and save you from major injuries. The shower sex dangers aren’t worth it.
Besides, you don’t even get to shower if you tried, you’re wasting water, you’re very restricted and more problems. I personally would not be in the moment. My mind would consumed with safety. There’s nothing sexy at all about that. I wouldn’t be able to focus on myself or my partner. Would you??
Ok rant over.
Our favorite place to have sex
