BDSM aftercare – and I can’t stress this enough- should be TOP PRIORITY in BDSM play.
BDSM consists of power play and a lot of psychological bending. It fires up brain chemicals and hormones and can give you a high like no other. The fear mixed with excitement can distort reality for the moment like drugs and sometimes one can get carried away and completely disconnect from normal life.
Sex in general, is a very powerful source. It makes people do crazy things sometimes- even reckless things. There is no denying how powerful and primal sexual energy is. Mix it in with the extra power force of tabooness called BDSM, you are more than likely taken into a parallel reality.
And then when playtime is over, you’re instantly back to reality. The urges that drove you to do those “crazy” things are no longer there. Your mind, body and soul that was once high on insane body chemicals and hormones starts recalibrating slowly to your normal reality that you are suddenly in.
Then a sub drop and/or dom drop occurs.
Because of this, it is very important to check in on your partners after BDSM play.
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What Is A Sub Drop & Dom Drop?
The internet may make you think that only submissives experience the drop but Doms experience it too. It’s called a Dom drop.
A sub drop and a Dom drop is the negative mental space either a sub or a dom gets into.
Depending on the intensity, one can be left physically and mentally drained after BDSM play. The mind and body recalibrating can be taxing, cause confusion, fatigue and anxiety.
BDSM is especially taxing because mental alteration takes place on top of the crazy body chemical and hormone chaos going on. Not knowing what is going on with your mind and body can be very anxiety inducing and the tabooness of the activity can surface subconscious guilt and shame.
A Dom drop may occur when a Dom feels guilty about the things they might’ve done and said during play. Most of us were taught that inflicting pain on others makes you a bad person. Because of that subconscious conditioning, a drop may occur. Especially if something was done or said spontaneously/randomly in a moment. It’s easy to get lost in these things.
Guilt is a very common emotion for a Dom experiencing a drop and may distance themselves (which can unintentionally hurt the sub… BAD.)
A Dom drop can also occur because doing the controlling, leading and being the inflictor can be exhausting.
A sub drop is when one may feel dehumanized and need to feel human again once “normal life” resumes, needing reassurance from their partner, sadness or emptiness.
Physically, in a sub drop and Dom drop, one can feel strange or disconnected from their own body, can be dehydrated, aches and pains start to become noticeable, in a daze, weak, irritable, nauseous, headaches, dizzy and so much more. Medical care might be needed.
If these things aren’t addressed properly, it can cause lasting negative effects on mental health, physical health and the relationship.
This is why BDSM aftercare is important.
What Is BDSM Aftercare & Why It’s Needed
BDSM aftercare is basically the care and assistance taken place after BDSM play. This is the time period where partners check in on each other and make sure everyone is ok mentally and physically. Matter of fact, aftercare should be practiced after any sexual activity- BDSM or not. Like we mentioned in Post Nut Syndrome, your body goes through chemical and hormone gymnastics before sex, during sex and after sex.
Because of the intensity and vulnerability required during these kinds of activities, aftercare is needed to make the transition from one altered reality to another reality much more smoothly, comfortably and safely.
Aftercare is needed to maintain the closeness and intimacy between partners and one’s self. This includes Dom aftercare.
How To Practice BDSM Aftercare
Sub and Dom aftercare depends on the needs and wants of the individuals involved. You can start by asking what is needed and/or wanted. I must note that a Dom may not speak up as most of them feel solely responsible for the scene. This is why it is important for both parties to check in and initiate BDSM aftercare.
A Dom may practice aftercare by removing restraints but a sub can practice some Dom aftercare too by showing gratitude and love.
Here are some other simple aftercare ideas that show love and care:
- Serving something to eat or drink. Depending on who needs it the most, one can prepare and serve something both or one can enjoy.
- Kissing hurt areas. A Dom can show love to a mark they made on the sub’s body.
- Cuddling. Cuddling, kissing and hugging releases oxytocin which is a love hormone essential for bonding and relieving stress.
- Providing clothing or blankets. Assuming everyone was naked, provide warmth and love by covering them up with a big hoodie, blanket or whatever.
- Words of affirmation. Gratitude, assuring that their kinks are ok, that they did a good job, tell them you love them, mention favorite parts, let them know they’re safe.
- Massage. Can be aftercare for both but this is a great Dom aftercare practice considering the Dom was the one doing all the whipping etc.
- Shower together. Cleaning each other up is a great way to show care.
- Date night out or date night in. Watch a movie, go out to eat, play board games- whatever.
- Sleep. Going to bed or taking a nap together can make you feel closer.
- Medical care. Attend to any wounds, headaches, dizziness etc.
Again, aftercare practice can be whatever the people in the dynamic wants. It can be special and personalized.
Conclusion
Whether it’s in a relationship, one night stand, casual fling, the point of aftercare is to make your partners feel human.
