Total power exchange- When one is given full control of another.

Would you give up all control of yourself to someone else?

The best thing about BDSM relationships is the amount of trust, vulnerability, care, respect and consideration it requires from both ends. I would dare to say even more than a vanilla relationship. BDSM relationships are intoxicating, life changing and go way beyond the bedroom. It’s a psychologically thrilling experience.

There is a variety of BDSM relationships and they all consist of one thing- power play. There are no rules saying you can’t have more than two people involved but for the sake of the post, let’s say one dominant partner and one submissive partner. The power dance between a dom and their sub depends on what type of BDSM relationship they agreed to- as they both possess some sort of power in the relationship. But there’s one ultimate type of BDSM relationship where one completely relinquishes all control to the other- The Total Power Exchange. 

What Is Total Power Exchange?

Total Power Exchange is also called TPE for short in the BDSM community. A TPE relationship is when the submissive willingly gives up all rights and control of oneself. I mean every aspect of their lives- from the way they dress, what they eat, when to go to the bathroom and more. Essentially a consensual slave. No further consent is required once the slave/submissive gives all power to their Dom (dominant).

This unconditional surrender of self has no boundaries, no safe words and no turning back once the slave gives up their power. The slave or the submissive is now the property of the Dom- mentally and physically.

The Requirements & Responsibilities in a TPE Relationship

With great power, there are great responsibilities. The TPE relationship is not to be taken lightly. Even though the power is in the Dom’s hands, both parties have responsibilities and just like any other relationship, requires effort and time.

This is not the sort of relationship that happens over night. Careful vetting is a requirement on both ends. High levels of trust between the two is a MUST. There should not be an ounce of second guessing your partner left. In a total power exchange, there is an immersion into each other’s worlds with no bounds. Not being careful with each other can be extremely harmful due to the extreme vulnerability it requires. 

They must learn each other’s goals, needs, wants, triggers and intentions. It is advised (by me) to do this with intention because it creates structure. There should be a purpose and both parties should be thriving or growing in some way from this. Purposelessness in a total power exchange leads to mindlessness which holds no power at all.

Both parties require empathy and understanding of each other.

The Dom must understand that they are responsible for their submissive’s well being. Just like any other property, a Dom must handle the submissive with care and protection. A good Dom gets into the mind of their submissive by learning their fears, insecurities and inner dialogs. The power over someone’s mind is the most profound power you can have over someone. The Dom can practice mental training and make their submissive face their greatest fears.

A TPE relationship will not work if the submissive is not disciplined. The submissive is required to completely surrender their existence or else it comes with severe consequences. Obedience is a must. A Dom has to be willing to completely walk away if a sub is not obedient. 

The submissive’s job is to be skilled at pleasing the Dom. This can require some sort of training. It can be anything from massage therapy, anal sex, a craft, how to take physical pain to learning how to deep throat. Anything.

How To Practice BDSM TPE

Total Power Exchange means complete control of a submissive’s patterns, mindset, daily activities and choices. This means the Dominant can have full control of things like:

  • Sex. The how, when and where is up to the Dominant. The submissive belongs to the Dom as property and the Dom can do as they please to the sub’s body.
  • Bathroom use. The sub has to ask the Dom permission to use the bathroom.
  • Meals. The Dom chooses what and when the sub can eat.
  • Wardrobe. The Dom chooses what the sub gets to wear (or what not to.)
  • Finances. The Dom controls what the sub can and cannot buy.
  • Talking. The Dom decides when and how the sub is allowed to speak.
  • Names. The Dom chooses how to be addressed and the name for the sub.
  • Activities. The Dom decided where, when and what they’re allowed or not allowed to do.
  • Routines. The Dom decides when the sub can wake up, go to sleep and chooses their routines.
  • Position. The Dom decides if the sub should assume a position when they enter a room.
  • Orgasm control. The Dom decides whether the sub gets pleasure or not.
  • Chores. The Dom gives the sub chores.

The Dom can control whatever they decide to control. The Dom is also the one who enforces rules and regulations. The punishment and mind fuck is up to the Dom. What will trigger the sub?

The terms and conditions look different in every relationship. It is ultimately discussed prior and agreed upon between the people in the relationship. Which means there should be a contract in place.

A BDSM TPE contract should include everything the sub is giving up and the very hard limits. Once agreed, there is no turning back or changing.

The Benefits of a TPE Relationship

These relationships are very psychological. Both the Dom and sub get something out of the TPE kink if done the right way. Even though the TPE kink is about control and power, it actually can be pretty liberating for both and can reduce anxieties.

A TPE relationship can be very contrasting from the outside life and can provide balance. The submissive may need the release of control or has a need to cease all thinking. The Dominant may crave the need to protect and control.

As mentioned earlier, I suggest doing this with purpose. The TPE kink could be used for personal development. Maybe the sub needs to practice more discipline. Maybe the Dom will force the sub to do things that will improve their life.

This TPE kink can also be used to reprogram the minds of the people in it by teaching and rewriting their past traumas if any. The TPE relationship can awaken power within and reframe life perspectives.

The Risks

The obvious risk is when the Dom abuses their power. When a Dom crosses that line, they are no longer considered a Dom. This is when they are considered an abuser. Abusers are impulsive/lack discipline, reactive and ego driven- these are not the qualities of a leader and a Dom. Once the Dom becomes abusive, the contract is breached automatically.

This is why it is so important to take the time to get to know each other.

Another risk is a personal opinion. Most would say a TPE relationship is a 24/7 role. That is up to the Dom and sub but I don’t agree with 24/7. I believe this can lead to disconnection from self which is mentally unhealthy. 

In my opinion, the contract should include a time period to practice the TPE kink. Is it 12 hours a day? Maybe weekends off? Or certain days off? It could be anything but I suggest breaks to prevent loss of personal identity. 

Conclusion

The TPE kink should be handled with extreme care.