They did WHAT with WHAT? 4 Wild Vintage Sex Toys

The Craziest Vintage Sex Toys

Sex toys existed even without the technology we have today. Our ancestors had to get, um… creative. Some of these vintage sex toys are pretty gross and/or just flat out weird. This goes to show how powerful sex and our urges are. If you’re willing to go this far today, you might need some help.

  1. Goats Eyelid. YES the eyelid of a goat. How can they possibly use this as sexual pleasure? Apparently, they made the eyelid in a circle so it can fit around a penis and used it as a cock ring. This occurred around the Jing and Song dynasties in China.
  1. King Edward the VII. I’m not sure if this one is exactly weird/gross…. But it is incredibly lazy! King Edward the VII was obese and having sex was not the easiest He had a chair designed specifically for sexual act. The chair held up his weight and allowed him to move as little as possible while his partners did all of the work. The chair was also designed for him to have multiple partners.
  1. Bread Dildos. Ancient Greeks used bread as dildos in two ways. When women were on a sex strike, they used bread to satisfy themselves during protest. The second way they were used was when men went away for the army. They gave their wives bread dildos to use when they were away. How did they manage to keep it erect after getting wet?……What’s great about the ancient Greeks is that they understood a woman’s pleasure matters too. Can’t say the same for many civilizations.
  1. Bird sperm balls.The Ming Dynasty believed a mythical bird had a huge sexual appetite. So they invented tiny balls made of metal and bird sperm to enter in the urethra of a penis so men can enjoy sex more.

What else did these people do back then??

Be honest, what weird object would YOU use as a sex toy? Your secret isn’t safe with us.

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Is your relationship in trouble? Then please disregard this blog entry. Threesomes ARE NOT for fixing your relationship problems. A threesome (adding another person-including a baby but I digress) only AMPLIFIES your relationship problems. Read something else.

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History is frequently lied about which is why I am so passionate about sexuality and art. Sexuality and art are forms of truthful human expression, in my opinion and you can find it anywhere in history. It is widely believed that gender fluidity is only a recent phenomenon. But sexuality and art from the past says otherwise. It goes way back.

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