Taboo Sex – Are Feeling Guilty About Your Fantasy?

Taboo sex fantasies

“When you don’t know what is normal, you tend to believe you have something abnormal.” He said. “And especially topics like something to do with your inner world, you’re more likely to think you have a problem.” – Vijayasarathi Ramanathana

Do you have a dark sexual fantasy that are deemed socially unacceptable, problematic and disturbing? People who have these thoughts more than likely keep these things to themselves which makes one to believe that they are alone in this. I personally have taboo sex fantasies that I would not repeat to others and learned taboo sexual fantasies are actually more common than you think. But should you worry about them? Thankfully, experts say no.

We actually do not know enough about sexual fantasies and their connection to behavior. For years, psychologist went the Freudian route- which is connecting sexual fantasy to aspects of ones personality. For example- if a person is tired of their powerful position in their day to day life, they might fantasize about being a sub. Or someone who has underlying shame and guilt has a humiliation kink. Some fantasies just don’t align with ones reality at all.

Let’s look at the rape fantasy. This is a VERY popular fantasy among women. Nancy Friday explains why in her book “My Secret Garden.” She explains because of the stigma against women who enjoy sex, rape fantasies allow a woman to get what she wants while being completely blameless. It’s a win win fantasy. These women do not desire to be raped in real life. Actually, check out Nancy Friday’s book. It will give you comfort in knowing there’s people out there with way “worse” sexual fantasies. 

There is a large number of frightening and disturbing sexual fantasies in peoples heads. Oftentimes, people have no idea what the people closest to them have in their head. It doesn’t make them abnormal. In fact, if many acted out their fantasies, there would be a much higher level of crimes but these behaviors are relatively low in frequency. In fact, oftentimes when people try to act out their fantasies, they are disappointed in the reality side of it. For example, let’s say someone has a kidnapping and bondage fantasy. Without proper hygiene and grooming, it isn’t sexy at all. In order to keep it sexy, you’d have to release your “victim” so they can take proper care of themselves. Plus no one likes to starve and we’d need to use the bathroom. In reality, you have to consider people’s needs and feelings.

“Sometimes a mind fuck is better than any other fuck.” – unknown

So take comfort in knowing that just because you have a stepdad fantasy doesn’t mean you codone sexual exploitation of younger people or fantasizing about violent sexual encounters means you really want that experience in real life. None of this means you have a desire to act on it. When you don’t have a desire to, there is no problem. 

However, Dr. Vijayasarathi Ramanathan advises “be mindful, there’s a degree of neuroplasticity if you’re constantly exposing yourself….” If it’s becoming an obsession, seek professional help. Like a therapist.

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